Hollywood (botox_hollywood) wrote,

  • Mood:

Picking up the pieces.

I don't know who I am anymore. The things I want and want to do are the complete opposite of what I should be doing. I'm happy, but I'm not happy. I have this feeling lingering over my head that won't go away. I'm always sad. The worst part is that I don't know why. Okay, maybe I do know why, but I don't see WHY it would make me so upset. I'm going off to college within about a year or so. Central is the plan. I wonder if I'll even make it there. I want to be a Public Relations Specialist. But I always have doubts. It sounds like a cool job, but I don't know if I'm even smart enough for the fucking job.

I hate my life. And saying that makes me hate myself. I know I have it better than most people my age. But I can't help but feel the way I feel. Everyday my life gets more and more confusing. It's like everything I do, say or touch turns to shit, or messes up. Especially in my home. I don't like being the black sheep of my family, but It's something I gotta work.

How can you be so happy, but so upset at the same time? The only thing that's keeping me afloat is Kevin.

I also feel like I should probably stop being such a stoner. What once started as a small drug I used only on the weekends turned into something I do ATLEAST 2 times a day. I'm spending so much money on it, and it's starting to wear me down. People always say that smoking pot is good for you, and all that mumbojumbo, but I can feel myself getting dumber. I think partially the reason why I'm so upset and have such a low self esteem is because I smoke so much pot. Ha.

...........but fuck it. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die high.
That's so juvenile to say, but who the fuck cares.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment