Botox gone bad?

(no subject)

Oh Bernard, you'll never fail to make me feel like shit.

My father is the reason why I see a major shit storm in my future.

I hope I have insurance.
Botox gone bad?

Picking up the pieces.

I don't know who I am anymore. The things I want and want to do are the complete opposite of what I should be doing. I'm happy, but I'm not happy. I have this feeling lingering over my head that won't go away. I'm always sad. The worst part is that I don't know why. Okay, maybe I do know why, but I don't see WHY it would make me so upset. I'm going off to college within about a year or so. Central is the plan. I wonder if I'll even make it there. I want to be a Public Relations Specialist. But I always have doubts. It sounds like a cool job, but I don't know if I'm even smart enough for the fucking job.

I hate my life. And saying that makes me hate myself. I know I have it better than most people my age. But I can't help but feel the way I feel. Everyday my life gets more and more confusing. It's like everything I do, say or touch turns to shit, or messes up. Especially in my home. I don't like being the black sheep of my family, but It's something I gotta work.

How can you be so happy, but so upset at the same time? The only thing that's keeping me afloat is Kevin.

I also feel like I should probably stop being such a stoner. What once started as a small drug I used only on the weekends turned into something I do ATLEAST 2 times a day. I'm spending so much money on it, and it's starting to wear me down. People always say that smoking pot is good for you, and all that mumbojumbo, but I can feel myself getting dumber. I think partially the reason why I'm so upset and have such a low self esteem is because I smoke so much pot. Ha.

...........but fuck it. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die high.
That's so juvenile to say, but who the fuck cares.
  • Current Mood
    intimidated intimidated
Botox gone bad?

(no subject)

Well well well, here I am. Seeing myself here again is so weird. I've experienced so much, and been through so many different things, I don't even know where to start. I know no one reads this anymore, and with the invention of MySpace and Facebook, people just shifted away from livejournal. But me, not so much. When I logged into livejournal, I felt.....home. I have spent so much time on this website, it was just home to me. This journal, and Cornrow445, has seen me through my lowest teenage years, through my first loves, first.....everything. Here, on this site, lives my entire biography. And even though I've been gone for a few years, I'm going to try my hardest to keep writing in here. I feel like I'm important to someone, somewhere. Call me conceited, but I think I'm ment to do something spectacular in this lifetime. It's an unsure feeling why, but I cant stop dreaming of doing big things and becoming widely notable of doing it. Blah blah blah.

Well, I'm back, bitches. Matty's baaaaaaaack.

So, I'm 20 years old now. I still live with my dad. I'm still at Macomb College, and well, I'm just living life. However, in the last few months, I've felt like I dont match up in life. I feel like I'm always doing something wrong or fucking something up. Right now, the only thing that's got me grounded is the fact that I'm dating a boy, who has completely stolen my heart. My my, this boy of mine is something so fine. He's artistic, and beautiful, smart, conscious, trustworthy, loving, romantic, generous, and a damn funny guy. His name is Kevin. Kevin Kramer, K2, or KVNO. We have been dating for 2 months. I know it's soon, but he is different than any boy I have ever dated. He doesn't have much, but he has a heart the size of a mansion. He is absolutely perfect, and he sent me a love note the other night. OF COURSE IM COPYING/PASTING IT!

Kevin Kramer July 20 at 4:44pm
"What do you do when you try your hardest but it's still not good enough? =/"

I saw that post on your page. I am if I made you feel like you haven't been good enough or like you need to try hard to be with me. I know that i can be difficult, and for that i am sorry.
I honestly, and genuinely love and care for you.

And, with that being said. i don't understand why you like me so much. I just don't think that I deserve you. You are so sweet, and smart, and innocent. Just an amazing guy. And although i don't know what i have done to deserve to have you in in my life. My heart grew a lil the day that we met. Betty White on Saturday Night Live, ha. I just couldn't have imagined a better set-up for our first meeting.

That was the first time that I have felt my hear beat that quickly. I was half expecting my left arm to go numb.
You have showed me how amazing it feels to not only have love for someone, as I do for you, but also what it is like to be loved because I me. And, I am starting to learn rather quickly that being me is just fine, and that i have absolutely no desire to change who I am.
I guess all I am really trying to say to you is that every time that I think of you, or you and me together, or just the thought of having an "us", i feel that it is right.
I am sorry for being so seemingly bi-polar( I'm not , I least i don't think so anyways...hahaha)
I have been going through a lot lately, and sometimes i just feel as if there is absolutely nothing that i can do is right.

You make me feel like I am worth it.
I will never try to do any thing to hurt you,
you mean so much to me.

and one day, I know that togethr, we will be everything.

sorry for being so repetitive,
i love you, and i can not wait
to be near you again.

have a good day at work, because that it whre you currently are haha, bring love for me in the form of kisses and onion chips....haha, just kidding


i will be waiting for
but the first part will do just fine ;]

love always,

Ahhh. I'm in love. There was a bunch of shit that I wanted to say earlier, but I'm stoned, so I forgot. ta-ta!
  • Current Mood
    high high
Botox gone bad?

(no subject)

Catchup time!

Saturday- I took my ACT at Chippewa Valley High School. Not cool. As I'm walking out of my classroom, I see D'Vonte waiting outside of the class! WHAT A SURPRISE! (D'Vonte had previously went to that school before he got kicked out for having sex in the bathroom.........I know, skanky) and we walked through the halls, holding hands. It was very lovely seeing him. Since it's been like a month. lol

Sunday- GREAT DAY! I drove the HUMMER up to the mall. I picked up D'Vonte from his grandparents house. I met them, they're nice people. They 'approve' of me. lol. We went to the mall, hung around, just had a great time. On our ride home, we got....ahem...excited....and well let's just say I almost ran off the road....not from road-head though. haha. Went back to his grandparents' house and hung out for a little while, watched a movie. Drove him home. Our song came on! So we sang it together the whole way home....holding hands. It was perfect <3

Monday- I got fucking spat on! Ugh, don't even get me started with that shit. I seriously almost stabbed him.

Today- Worst day ever. Aleisha thought it would be fucking funny to hide my ipod and calculator ($450 iPod and a $110 Calculator, yeah, now you see why I got pissed?) and didnt give them back until I almost bitch slapped her. I hate shit like that. I seriously almost thought they were lost. I told the principal about billy spitting on me and screaming out obcenities to me in the hallway....such as "I SMELL FAGGOT!" "FAGGOT!" "HOMO!" "PICK MY COTTON!" Not to mention he's been spitting on me these past couple days. Yeah. If the school doesnt do anything about it, then I will handle it. I'm trying to do the responsible thing and not let it escalate into something bigger....but chances are we're gonna end up fighting anyways.

Tomorrow is the last day I'll retake my MME and get my $4000 scholarship. Wooo. I'm going to Specs Howard School Of Broadcast Arts Inc, after graduation. I'm exciteddd. It's only an 8 month course and they even line you up with internships! wooo!

Tomorrow is also halloween. & once again, I'm at home...doing nothing for halloween, other than passing out candy.

But on a positive note, Nip/Tuck comes on tonight. yea yea nigga.


P.S. I got Britney Spears' new album "BLACKOUT"
I still believe in her.
  • Current Music
    Britney Spears - Hot As Ice
Botox gone bad?

(no subject)

Honestly, I forgot all about livejournal.

Nothing's been happening.

After school drama is alright.

Super stressed out at the moment though.

I wont see daylight for an entire week.

I go to school in the dark.
I have rehearsals til 9.....which is dark outside.

So....No daylight =/

That really takes a toll on someone's emotions!

But it's whatever.

I hate them so much.

.....not so much the teachers, just the people in them.
My 6th hour annoys me so fucking much, I just want to shoot everyone.

But, whatever.

Im exausted;; night night.

I crack myself up =]
Botox gone bad?

(no subject)


I fell through the cracks of that 2.1%


I got.

-Tickle Me Elmo TMX


-Clothes that I don't like.

....that's it.
I bought some nik naks with some of my money.
Not much this year.

Happy New Year.

  • Current Mood
    chipper chipper
Botox gone bad?

(no subject)

Yayyy, christmas is here....well tomorrow.


I like a boy.
The Boy likes me.

This time, folks, its gonna work out.
98.9% sure. (yes, 98.9%)

We're gonna hang out this week, sometime.
And New Years.
It'll be cute =]
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious
Botox gone bad?

(no subject)

Life is content at the moment.

I got a new cell phone!

It's the Sprint KATANA.

It's thin like a Razr.
But less people have it =]

I got the black one.

Mike dumped Desiree for some other slut.
And now he thinks he has herpes. haha.

My dad is going into surgery tomorrow for his heart.
Id go to the hospital, but hospitals are boring....and totally not cute.
So I'm going to school instead.

But hes so fucking retarded.
He was talking to me about how he thinks I'm too spoiled.
[but he was only being sarcastic]
And he goes "You probably dont even know what the word 'NO' is]
And I'm like "No, I just avoid it by asking for things that I know would be a YES"

Him-"Really? Like what would you ask for and think would be a no?"

Me-"I want snakebites and a monroe"

Him".......what the fuck is that?"

Me-"Snakebites are piercings on your bottom lip, spaced evenly apart on either
side of your mouth. and a monroe is a piercing on your upper lip, like how
marilyn monroe had her mole?"

Him-"......I cant believe you could harbor such disgusting thoughts in your mind"


Him-"That's white people shit. You're not white, black people dont pierce their faces, unless they're freaks"

::stab stab::
Its like he keeps pushing me to tell him things, and be honest, but when I do he flips out on me like he's fucking surprised!!

::throws hands up::
  • Current Music
    Evanescence__All That I'm Living For
Botox gone bad?



-Comment in this Entry AND add me.
-Dont add me if you're homophobic, racist, or just fucking annoying.
-My Journal//My Rules.
-I wont add you if you have no entried whatsoever. I can tell a fake journal from a real one.
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    Hollywood Undead__No.5