Well well well, here I am. Seeing myself here again is so weird. I've experienced so much, and been through so many different things, I don't even know where to start. I know no one reads this anymore, and with the invention of MySpace and Facebook, people just shifted away from livejournal. But me, not so much. When I logged into livejournal, I felt.....home. I have spent so much time on this website, it was just home to me. This journal, and Cornrow445, has seen me through my lowest teenage years, through my first loves, first.....everything. Here, on this site, lives my entire biography. And even though I've been gone for a few years, I'm going to try my hardest to keep writing in here. I feel like I'm important to someone, somewhere. Call me conceited, but I think I'm ment to do something spectacular in this lifetime. It's an unsure feeling why, but I cant stop dreaming of doing big things and becoming widely notable of doing it. Blah blah blah.
Well, I'm back, bitches. Matty's baaaaaaaack.
So, I'm 20 years old now. I still live with my dad. I'm still at Macomb College, and well, I'm just living life. However, in the last few months, I've felt like I dont match up in life. I feel like I'm always doing something wrong or fucking something up. Right now, the only thing that's got me grounded is the fact that I'm dating a boy, who has completely stolen my heart. My my, this boy of mine is something so fine. He's artistic, and beautiful, smart, conscious, trustworthy, loving, romantic, generous, and a damn funny guy. His name is Kevin. Kevin Kramer, K2, or KVNO. We have been dating for 2 months. I know it's soon, but he is different than any boy I have ever dated. He doesn't have much, but he has a heart the size of a mansion. He is absolutely perfect, and he sent me a love note the other night. OF COURSE IM COPYING/PASTING IT!
Kevin Kramer July 20 at 4:44pm
"What do you do when you try your hardest but it's still not good enough? =/"
I saw that post on your page. I am if I made you feel like you haven't been good enough or like you need to try hard to be with me. I know that i can be difficult, and for that i am sorry.
I honestly, and genuinely love and care for you.
And, with that being said. i don't understand why you like me so much. I just don't think that I deserve you. You are so sweet, and smart, and innocent. Just an amazing guy. And although i don't know what i have done to deserve to have you in in my life. My heart grew a lil the day that we met. Betty White on Saturday Night Live, ha. I just couldn't have imagined a better set-up for our first meeting.
That was the first time that I have felt my hear beat that quickly. I was half expecting my left arm to go numb.
You have showed me how amazing it feels to not only have love for someone, as I do for you, but also what it is like to be loved because I me. And, I am starting to learn rather quickly that being me is just fine, and that i have absolutely no desire to change who I am.
I guess all I am really trying to say to you is that every time that I think of you, or you and me together, or just the thought of having an "us", i feel that it is right.
I am sorry for being so seemingly bi-polar( I'm not , I swear....at least i don't think so anyways...hahaha)
I have been going through a lot lately, and sometimes i just feel as if there is absolutely nothing that i can do is right.
You make me feel like I am worth it.
I will never try to do any thing to hurt you,
you mean so much to me.
and one day, I know that togethr, we will be everything.
sorry for being so repetitive,
i love you, and i can not wait
to be near you again.
have a good day at work, because that it whre you currently are haha, bring love for me in the form of kisses and onion chips....haha, just kidding
i will be waiting for both...lol
but the first part will do just fine ;]
Ahhh. I'm in love. There was a bunch of shit that I wanted to say earlier, but I'm stoned, so I forgot. ta-ta!